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Failure

Failure Released 1988
Label PopLlama
Produced Jonathan Auer & Kenneth Stringfellow
Engineered & Mixed Jonathan with help from Chris McClurken and Kenneth
Recorded On eight tracks at Studio X and Nor’sound, Bellingham, Washington. December 1987 – February 1988
Mastered John Golden at K-Disc

Cover design: Beau Fredericks
Photographs: Jill Goodejohn

01. Blind Eyes Open
02. The Longest Line
03. Under Easy
04. Like Me Too
05. I May Hate You Sometimes
06. Ironing Tuesdays
07. Paint Me
08. Believe in Something Other (Than Yourself)
09. Compliment?
10. At Least for Now
11. Uncombined
12. What Little Remains

Blind Eyes Open

I was wearing blinders to stave off the reminders
Of your image
Never contemplating the incinerating
Of my image
The rites of spring had no meaning
In my brain
And I could cling icicle-ing
Just the same

And all the time you saw me
You could not thaw me

And now you’ve made blind eyes open
Sunlight streams in
Everything’s clear as crystal
Enlightenment

Like a frozen snowfield I could never reveal
My true colors
I would never listen to all that I was missing
With the others
You stepped into my field of view
And triggerd
My cupid snare who would have dared
To figure

That all the time you saw me
you could not thaw me

And now you’ve made blind eyes open
Sunlight streams in
Everything’s clear as crystal
Enlightenment

I curse my warped perspective
Just when I least expected

The tables turned, the candles burn
At both ends, and my nerve ends send
Sensational headlines to my brain

The Longest Line

I’ve spent half of my life in this god awful place
And I dare say I’ve only grown older
I’ve had all I can take with patience and kindness
I can’t wait in this line any longer
But this is the way that I am
So if you choose me please abuse me
Never mind the mileage
There’s no harming me intrinsically
And every sign of wear and tear
Is lost in autumn foliage
Well aren’t you impressed

Now I’m stating endless waiting
Is my favorite pastime
There’s nothing new for me to do
And so I have to wonder
Will there ever be a last time
‘Cause I need a rest

Standing in the longest line
Waiting for my turn
I wonder if my turn will ever come

Chronic starter, perfect martyr
Never need a reason
I guess that I could hibernate
Or move away to another place
Pray for a change of season
When will my sun shine

Standing in the longest line
Waiting for my turn
I wonder if my turn will ever come

Now please don’t show me spring time flowers
It’d be more than I could take
After living through the clouds and showers
I can hardly wait

Standing in the longest line
Waiting for my turn
I wonder if my turn will ever come

If you’ve spent half of your life in this god awful place
You will swear that you’ve only grown older
If you treat everyone you know with patience and kindness
You will not know your self for much longer

Well, this is what I have become
Standing in my line

Under Easy

I understand sometimes
What you go through
Is just too much to handle
For a person like you
Seems that whatever you take is way too much
That whatever you give is never enough
It’s not too late for you to
Learn how to survive
And in your times of trouble
I could keep you alive

You’re really not that different
You’re just like everyone
You go under easy when you get overdone

I’ve seen your situation
Happen before
And if you say you’ll listen
I will tell you more
But I get the impression that you don’t want to hear it
That whatever I say will not make a difference
None of my words will ever
Make you realize
And on you own you’ll never
Learn to comprimise
You’re really not that different
You’re just like everyone
You go under easy when you get overdone
(We all go under easy…)

Under all of us is the same ground
It’s so easy to get knocked off of your feet
In spite of everything you let yourself down
‘Cause on your feet you only stand to be corrected
Well in reality that’s to be expected
It’s something you should have expected a long time ago
Well it’s really no excuse and aren’t you self abuse
Are you really seeking savation (I’ve tried to explain)
Moutains have been moved and theories have been proved
All within the duration (All you do is complain)
So when your show is over and all is said and done
I think it fair of me to say that you’re not the only one
Who’s acted like you had until their world has blown asunder
Either swim for your life or I’ll watch you go under

You think that you’re exceptional, you’re just like everyone
We all go under easy

And you can argue that you’ve been misdirected
Well in reality that’s to be expected
It’s something you should have accepted
It’s something you should have accepted
It’s something you should have accepted
A long time ago

Like Me Too

Treat me casual, watch me as you’ll see
I’m not too sure
I understand the tactful planning
That I must endure
But you call me immature because
I’m too sensitive to your insensitivity
I had the audacity to ask you to talk to me
The stones I throw shatter your sea of tranquility
You’re about as human as the Statue of Liberty

But maybe you’ll like me too
But maybe you’ll like me too

Kiss me, oblige me as if that’s all
I want from you
Then ignore me at the party
I invite you to
What did you think I’d dare you do

Maybe I’d lose my sacred knack for subtlety
Perhaps you’d reveal that you actually like me
Did you ever think that I’d just bow out quietly
All I wish is sometimes you would sit down next to me

But maybe you’ll like me too
But maybe you’ll like me too

Well maybe I can’t force you to
Stand up and obey my will
I doubt you’ll ever touch me or
Love me which is bettter still
I deified you once but
Now I’m standing on your hill
I see you eye to eye
And you’re shrinking out of my sight
So before you have passed my line
Let’s lower ourselves to each other

Thinly tie me to myself though you
Remain so free
I’ve tried in vain to demonstrate how you’re
Tied as well to me
But you’ll come around eventually

Practice makes perfect and you practice perfection
But it’s just a stage and I hope that some day when you’re done

That maybe you’ll like me too
I hope that you’ll like me too
And if you would like me too
I pray that you’ll like me too

[download guitar tabs] –
[download bass tabs]

I May Hate You Sometimes

Here we are–only been a couple of years
Maybe longer
Yes it’s true–I’m no good at being the strong man
You’re stronger
But I think–maybe you should take a good look
At my feelings
Can’t you see–I’m another one just like you
A human being

I don’t want to have to sacrifice to have to get along
I don’t ever want to be the one to say I’m wrong
I may hate you sometimes, but I’ll always love you

What did you say–it’s so hard for me to remember
What you meant
How did it happen–was it preconcieved
Or a complete accident
I still recall–we were once happy together
Smiling faces
But things have changed–And now you’re only happy when
I remember where my place is

I don’t want to have to live up to your expectations
I don’t ever want to be the one to end relations
I may hate you sometimes, but I’ll always love you

Do you think you could treat me
Like somebody special
I can’t be everything to everybody
Could I at least be something to you?

Don’t look so surprised–I’m a little smarter
Than every other weakling
Say no more–I know exactly what you’re going to say
Without you speaking
A familiar phrase–I’ve heard it said often before
Please forgive me
Don’t be a fool–if I can’t live with myself
How could you live with me?

Now that I’m filled with emotion you’re dispassionate
You only live for yourself while I live to regret
But don’t ever think that I could easily forget
Because I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
I said that I would but now I know that I won’t
And the chance of being right is looking kind of remote
I may hate you sometimes
I may hate you sometimes
I may hate you sometimes
But I’ll always love you
I may hate you sometimes but I’ll always love you

[download guitar tabs]

Ironing Tuesdays

“Don’t break your back for me,” she said
Without hesitation
All these things we don’t need, and
Two saved up vacations

Well don’t you recall mornings spent
Half naked in a fray?
Fighting over money
Wishing we could run away

From washing Saturdays and ironing Tuesdays
From washing Saturdays and ironing Tuesdays

Once we had just one room to share
But now we have many
But I’ll work just as hard as if
We didn’t have any

Well I’d relive the blunders and
Mistakes that I’ve made
And sacrifice the precious, useless
Money that I’ve saved

For washing Saturdays and ironing Tuesdays
For washing Saturdays and ironing Tuesdays

I could have given up hope (and)
We could have split up (but)
Boxes of laundry soap (and)
Babies that spit up
Kept us together

All of these luxuries we have
They’re just ornamental
And whether we have them or not
We can still afford to be sentimental

‘Bout times that try us, times that make us
Work just to survive
Ties that bind us, and remind us
That we’re still alive
From washing Saturdays and ironing Tuesdays
From washing Saturdays and ironing Tuesdays

Paint Me

Paint me lifeless grey
For I have lost a friend today
To desprate selfishness
And so I will regress
To something more disturbing
Than all my words can say
Black and white can not explain
So paint me lifeless grey

Paint me darkest black
Tightend rope will never slack
To free the chosen few
Or change my charcoal hue
I may be color-coated
But that won’t hide the fact
That under shades of lifeless grey
I’m painted darkest black

It’s just about that time of year
When we will lose somebody dear
Is that a funeral march I hear?
It’s just about that time of year

Paint me burning red
All the things he did and said
And now I feel ashamed
I thought it was a game
I will not rationalize
Or justify the dead
I only want to free myself
From all this burning red

It’s just about that time of year
When we will lose somebody dear
Is that a funeral march I hear?
It’s just about that time of year

Paint me
Paint me
Paint me
Paint me
Paint me

[download guitar tabs]

Believe in Something Other (Than Yourself)

Simple words might influence your view
But I can save your life if you allow me to
Remember the time right before you became
Something too despicable to even name?
I can relate, I went through that stage too
And I hope you’re still around when you’re 22

(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself
(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself

Simple words might often miss the point
But here’s two words you better not ignore
Do you really believe that any man is an island?
Well if you do then you’re about to be stranded, man

(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself
(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself

Give another person just half a chance
To express himself
It’s easy to believe

Believe in something other–than yourself
Believe in something other–than yourself

You wrote a letter (I)
But I knew better (you)
You can clearly (see)
Just what the effect is
Will you ever (be)
Be together (oh)
Enough to tell me (why)
Why does this have to happen to anyone?

(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself
(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself

Simple words are often misconstrued
But occasionally somebody’s advice is worth listening to
I’ve stated my case, now I’ll return to my place
But there will come a day when black marks won’t erase

(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself
(’cause) Nothing really matters–but yourself

Compliment?

Well I’ve felt worse and I have felt
better than this
I’ve made a pacifier
Out of my fist

Well I don’t care when bones are bare
The mind can’t interfere
And what I’ve said outside my head
Anyone can hear

Maybe I praise you ’cause I cannot praise myself
Won’t you just take
A compliment from me?

Perhaps they’re understated
And a little overmasked
If they were hand delivered
It would be more than I could ask

Forwardness ain’t my business
But you can fish for compliments
While I beg for forgiveness

I’d like to reap the flatteries I sow
But I really cast seeds of doubt
Looks like you take them from everyone
And everyone hands them out

Self mutilation just ain’t my trip
But now this is worth the trouble
Cut me open with your laughter
I bleed complementary colors

Tender seedlings trampled
And overwatered boughs
Won’t you just take
A compliment from me?

Perhaps they’re overstated
And a little undermasked
If they were what I really meant
It would be more than I could ask

Forwardness should be my business
But you can fish for compliments
While I beg for forgiveness

Well I have tried every approach
And they always leave me empty
But each one has it’s special way
Of making everyone contempt me

It seems rather selfish to want to be loved
Or to love and expect you to care
But my batteries don’t run on flattery
And it just gets me nowhere

Oh when was I ever promised
I’d get back all that I gave?
But I wouldn’t care if you’d take
A compliment from me

Perhaps it’s too late
Or too much to expect
But compliments that come no strings attached
Well, they’re certainly the best
Thing for me, I adore you
But you can fish for compliments
And I won’t be there to bore you

At Least for Now

Friday comes with little warning
Saturday is close behind
Then you sleep in Sunday morning
Monday back out on the line
Bitter friends go passing by you
They pretend that you’re not there
It’s their affection they deny you
So you pretend that you don’t care
You’re not to blame ’cause you were never
Made aware

That it all comes back
In good time and that’s a fact
It’s all right–at least for now

A healthy dose of deep depression
Keeps you comfertably smug
Life without you can’t imagine
It’s become your favorite drug
Once you had your own direction
And all your thoughts were clean and clear
Now gazing at your own reflection
Makes you want to smash the mirror
You can never listen but I know that
You can hear

And it all comes back
In good time and that’s a fact
It’s all right–at least for now

You can always worry
You can always think that you’re wrong
But never say you’re sorry
For something that you’ve never
For something that you’ve never
Done

The weight of the world is on your shoulders
You’ve seen so much and your so young
But you’ll have to wait until your older
To understand all that’s been done
Stand your ground because the battle has
Just begun

Uncombined

If you rely on what your senses tell you
You’ll be let down, ’cause
Sometimes they deceive you
I sensed that you cared about me
But it was hallucinatory
I was in a euphoric state
What a mistake

Love is senseless as any other sense
It’s a dangerous missile from which
There’s no defense
You can’t understand it ’cause you don’t have the mind
You’re better off uncombined

Than combined with a friend who betrays your frail trust
Combined with a love who soon becomes to someone else’s lust
Combined with a priest who doesn’t know what he believes
Stay uncombined ‘lest you be stuck with one of these

You can rely on someone else’s judgement
But that’s not that wise ’cause
We’ve all got our own eyes
I judged that your innocence
Was your best form of defense
Then I found out the judge was on the take
What a mistake

Love is senseless as any other sense
It’s a dangerous missile from which
There’s no defense
You can’t understand it ’cause you don’t have the mind
You’re better off uncombined

Than combined with a teacher who resents you ’cause you’re young
Combined with a parent who resents you ’cause you have fun
Combined with a girl who’s always got what she wants
Combined with a boy who hasn’t yet–stay away from these

Who will betray you, you wouldn’t pay you
To be yourself
And when they lay in fields to retire you
Who will take of their help?

I can’t relate just how unimportant
All the important things are
‘Cause when your heart is open
It closes with a scar
I know that you can hear me
And you don’t like what I’m saying
There’s no trusting just for trusting’s sake
What a mistake

Love is senseless as any other sense
It’s a dangerous missile from which
There’s no defense
You can’t understand it ’cause you don’t have the mind
You’re better off uncombined

Than combined with a leader who never takes a stand
Combined with a dream when no one else gives a damn
Combined with a lifestyle that soon makes you its slave
Combined with anything at all
Combined with a child that always must come first
Combined with a cure that just makes the sickness worse
Combined with a wife who you can never please
Stay uncombined lest you be stuck with one of these

You can maintain your defensive shelter
But it will be smashed down
To helter skelter

What Little Remains

In the rites of passage I did partake
But to say that I’m responsible would be a mistake
What do I have to do
To prove myself to you
In a manner of speaking
You’ve taken all the finest pieces
And that doesn’t leave me much to pick and choose
Now I’ll have to be satisfied
With what little remains

You condemn me for the things that I say
But they don’t seem to affect you at all anyway
Why can’t you let it be
I don’t suppose that you’ll ever see
Exactly what makes me
Do all the things that I do
And believe me when a say I have my reasons
I have only tried to utilize
What little remains

You expect so much
And I accept so little
You’re at war with yourself
And I’m stuck in the middle of it all

Though you pressure me I will not give in
You can yell and scream and say I have spread myself too thin
Wait a minute before you shout
Do you know who you’re talking about
Are you referring to me
Or is it yourself that can’t deal with
Do I stimulate a memory
Too close to home or could it be
That I’m becoming what you used to be?

I will leave no scars no marks or no stains
I will try to make the best of it what little remains